Slow boat on the river Loboc

Just when I thought Philippine Airlines (PAL) had shaken off its unofficial moniker, "Plane Always Late", well whaddaya know? Nick and I arrive at the airport quite early only to find that our flight to Tagbilaran City was delayed by an hour. The check-in staff didn't even mention anything about it (nor did he ask for identification), we only found out when we got to the gate and saw a handwritten note taped over the counter. The brief flight ended on an auspicious note when our pilot landed the aircraft at full-speed and applied the brakes furiously, causing us to be thrown forward in the cabin. One of the passengers, apparently also in the aviation field, noted that this was the proper way to land a jet on a short runway. Say that again?! Now I know why they insist on passengers wearing seatbelts during takeoffs and landings.

After our driver/guide/gofer Landel picked us up, we drove to the town of Loboc to experience their famous lunch cruise on the town's eponymous river. Essentially it's an 1 1/2 hour Filipino lunch buffet on river boats, aka floating restaurants, with some entertainment and sightseeing along the way. A long line greeted us at the makeshift tents where you purchase the vouchers (Php280:US$7) and are assigned seats on a specific riverboat, exacerbated by the seeming inability of Filipinos to form a single queue to keep things orderly. Nor did any official staff try to impose any sort of discipline on queue-jumpers. Trust me, queueing is not the greatest strength of Filipinos (Karaoke probably is). So Landel got stuck in line for about thirty minutes, while I contented myself with whetting my appetite by looking at enticing pictures of various native dishes prominently displayed by the tents. "This is gonna be some buffet", I even muttered to myself.

Vouchers in hand and growing hungrier by the second, the three of us excitedly rushed to the dock for...more waiting. Our riverboat was still in the process of ferrying the previous batch of tourists, and there was no word on when our turn would come. In the meantime, we watched other people stuffing their faces on meat and seafood dishes inside the boats docked nearby. I counted at least fifteen different floating restaurants, each one varying in capacity from 30 to 60. Just when I was becoming delirious from hunger, our names were called and before you knew it, we were sharing a long table with a family of four, who looked equally impatient at getting their hands on some grub.

At long last, the dishes were set up on the buffet table (a disappointment in terms of both quantity and quality), and everyone proceeded to line up, plate in hand. I use the term "line up" loosely, as in the best Filipino tradition, all hell broke loose. On one side people furiously scooped as much meat onto their plates while ignoring the stares and mumbling of other diners unfortunately situated behind them, some were pushing their way forward to get the last remnants of baby shrimp which the first five people had apparently claimed the majority of, and most alarming, some folks decided that they couldn't be bothered to stand in line and thus created their own queue at the other end of the buffet table (where the desserts are located), and their counter-flow of traffic now collided with ours with the force of a ten-wheeler truck.

Somehow I managed to get out alive, albeit missing out on the chicken and getting mostly glistening fatty pieces of pork, and made my way back to our seats. Surprised at the sight of diners at the adjoining table feasting on pork barbeque on stick, I rushed back to the buffet but couldn't find traces of the dish. Totally bummed, I sat down and decided to make do with whatever I had, at the same time wondering where the hell Nick had gone to. My question was answered two seconds later, as I turned my head and saw him coming towards us clutching ten (ten!!!) sticks of pork barbeque, the look on his face indicating his intent to impale anyone who tried to grab them away. To this day, I haven't bothered to find out how or where he hijacked them from, but those sweet BBQ truly saved the day.

I should note that the rest of the lunch cruise went by pleasantly. The riverboat slowly wound its way up the Loboc river until it reached a series of mini-waterfalls (emphasis on "mini"). Ideal photo op for camera-crazy Filipinos, to say the least. At this point, the boat turned around and on the way back, we also stopped a hut on a wooden raft where forty or so entertainers sang several native songs, accompanied by some guitar-playing and enthusiastic dancing from small kids. I actually liked the choreography, and wondered if they're being groomed to join those dance contests on TV programs. All part of the Loboc river cruise experience. An interesting, enjoyable, and mildly chaotic start to our visit to Bohol.