Por Una Cabeza

All good things must come to an end. Not really referring to the cruise itself (that dragged on long enough), but listening to the string quartet's music and talking to Natasha. She strolled into the Cova Cafe a few minutes past 10pm, and as soon as she saw me sipping a Blue Moon at the bar, came and apologized for not keeping our appointed dinner. Turns out Natasha was at the cruise director's office taking care of some stuff. Surprise, surprise - they were back in full force tonight. A Turkish waiter was cajoled into lending his violin (albeit not a professional quality one) to the quartet, and that'll just have to do for tonight's performance before the broken one could be repaired in Vancouver the next day.

Determined to make a grand exit, the Vivaldi string quartet played with intensity, egged on by the sizable crowd, some of whom started making requests (the theme from "Titanic", anyone?). Diehard fans that we were, Emma and I joined in the act, and even Marlon chimed in with his own choice. I asked Natasha if they could play a tango song. After crinkling her forehead for a few moments, she replied, “Una cabeza?” and hummed a few bars. Bingo! Exactly the one I was thinking of - although I didn't know the title. After a few songs into the next set, Natasha looked in my direction, beamed, and the opening strains of "Por Una Cabeza" filled the cafe. We applauded with much gusto, and their delight was apparent at our enjoyment. (If the song sounded familiar, it's because it has been used in many Hollywood movie soundtracks. Here's Al Pacino doing the tango in "Scent of a Woman").

After some late night pizza on Deck 11, Natasha and I went back to Cova Cafe to talk - there was simply too much ground to cover, stuff like family, life on the ship, future plans - the list is endless. And talk we did until 230am when rest beckoned and the moment came for goodbyes. I dreaded the inevitable, yet relished our friendship forged in so short a time. Memories will fade, and further contact is uncertain, yet a wide smile breaks on my face every time "Por Una Cabeza" is played.

Fun at the Ports of Call

As some people pointed out, I dissed Ketchikan in the previous post by calling the activities there "forgettable". My bad, I was actually referring to the town itself. Hahaha. (Take that, Ketchikan!). And to Juneau. And Skagway. Basically just a bunch of jewelry shops catering to high-end cruise passengers and "3 for $10 T-shirt" stores catering to their cheap cousins. Fortunately, I didn't succumb to shopping temptation (although the salmon candy came close), since I had already splurged on the $5 "Celebrity" T-shirt at the shop onboard.

One of the more interesting shore excursions we took was the Great Alaskan Lumberjack Show in Ketchikan. Billed as one of the "Top 10 Things to See in Alaska", it involves two teams of lumberjacks competing in an array of events including sawing (pictured), wood chopping, axe throwing, pole climbing, and log rolling. You know, their usual weekend leisure activities :-) Each section of the sparse crowd was assigned a team to root for, and some half-soused members of our tribe livened up the festivities with their enthusiastic hurling of invectives at the opposing team. In the end, our team emerged victorious in that day's competition. I suspect the next day's outcome would be reversed, but perhaps I'm being overly cynical. Entertaining stuff, nonetheless.

Another shore excursion worth mentioning was the Mendenhall Glacier in Juneau. Located only 12 miles from downtown Juneau, its a very popular and accessible place to visit among cruise ship passengers. We opted to go there by bus, and I did some light walking along one of the trails for some good photos. From what I hear the Helicopter Glacier Trek is a once-in-a-lifetime experience worth shelling out for. The helicopter lands right on the glacier and you get to explore the glacier's surface with the help of expert guides. All this for an eye-popping $399. Hmmm...how many Blue Moons and Alaskan Ambers is that?! In the end, sanity prevailed, and you know where my money went :-)

The Show Goes On

Today the ship docked at Ketchikan for a full day's worth of activities that were rather forgettable, so let's go back to our favorite topic. Made my way to Cova Cafe and was surprised to see the pianist/singer Doug Ross entertaining the five people seated there. After the set, Doug told me that the one of them broke a violin, and that they might not be able to perform anymore for the duration of the cruise. Uh oh, no more classical music, no more Natasha :-( Decided to watch that night’s entertainment – Don Sherman’s observational comedy (ala Seinfeld). His entire act consisted of poking fun at various aspects of cruising, from the tiny, claustrophobic rooms to the “whales” lined up at the buffet to the um, lackluster ports of call (“Ketchikan is Skagway spelled backwards”, “The people in Juneau come to Ketchikan for nightlife”). Note: If those two riffs failed to amuse you, you HAD to be on the cruise. Or better yet, call your travel agent and book a cruise to Alaska. You'll see.

Went back to Cova Café, and surprise surprise - although their lead violinist broke his instrument in an accident (or temperamental fit?! wink wink) and thus was sidelined, the Vivaldi string quartet (now trio) were ready to soldier on. Natasha and I chatted briefly. The strain was evident in her face, and she worried aloud that they might not be able to put on a good performance. As always, Emma was around and actually ordered an Alaskan Amber tonight, and the audience size seemed to have increased the last two nights. Non-expert I might be, but the group played at their usual high caliber (albeit with a more limited repertoire) and Natasha handled the burden of sole violinist with much aplomb.

Driven to drink at the Cova

Perusing the detailed Seapass billing statement in my hand, here is a partial tally of my alcohol consumption onboard the Celebrity Mercury.

6 Alaskan Ambers (sweet specialty beer from Alaska)
4 Blue Moons (a cocktail with curacao and I forgot what else)
3 Mojitos
3 Carlsbergs
2 Mexican coffees (coffee with Frangelico and Kahlua, I think)
1 Aspen coffee (strong, alcohol-infused coffee)
1 Dos Equis
1 White flight (3 assorted white wines)

That doesn't include the bottles of wine at dinner, extra free glasses from Marlon (pictured, with a Blue Moon in the foreground). Counting drinks for Emma and bartenders' tips, total alcohol expenditure came to about $250. Not bad for 7 nights, eh? :-D

Much of that alcohol was consumed at my nightly hangout Cova Cafe. Probably the most relaxing place on the entire ship, it was usually deserted, and the Vivaldi string quartet played excellent classical music (and even interpretations of Beatles hits) all night. Yeah, a peaceful place to get away from the family and contemplate what a shitty cruise (just kidding. ok, half-kidding) it has been so far.

Another reason I stuck around was the attractive Ukrainian violinist Natasha, the youngest member yet the leader of the quartet. We got to talking during a break between sets and among other interesting facts about her family and performing background, she revealed that she spent two months vacation in Cebu relaxing by the beach. Apparently she made friends among Filipino crew members on her first tour of duty onboard the Mercury last year. Although she'd like to think her English is terrible (and I could her mentally grasping for the right translation), our conversations went smoothly, if somewhat overly punctuated by her favorite catch-all word "kaput" (as in, "If we play bad, we go kaput"). For Ukrainian food newbies, Natasha highly recommends "borsch" soup.

How does $1.67/day sound to you?

If there is one unassailable truth about cruising, it's that it is never the "all-inclusive" vacation some people assume it to be. Not only do passengers shell out extra bucks for alcohol and shore excursions, they basically underwrite the salaries of some of the poorly-paid crew.

Our ship Celebrity Mercury has an astounding 845 crew members from over 50 different countries making sure the guests' vacations go smoothly. I came in contact with a number of waiters, bartenders, beer servers and the like, and was shameless enough to ask about their compensation. Uniform answer: $50/month. NO, that's not a typo.

Essentially, their entire salary is dependent on passengers' tips (YOU pay for it). As indicated in the gratuity form (pictured), the suggested tip for your Head Waiter (at the MAIN dining room) is $3.50/day. Assuming 32 guests (8 guests/table x 4 tables) per Head Waiter, that comes to $112/day and over $3K/month...hmmm, not bad. Most other wait staff get much less though - Assistant Waiters only $2/day, and Assistant Chief Housekeeper a pitiful $0.75/day. Mind you, these are the cruise line's SUGGESTED tip amounts - you can follow or ignore them, give more or less (don't stiff them, please) as you wish.

For other positions that don't appear on the gratuity form, such as beer server, the pressure to hustle is greater. A 15% service charge is tacked on every alcoholic beverage order, so for each Alaskan Amber beer ($5) the server gets 2/3 ($0.50) and the bartender 1/3 ($0.25) of the $0.75 service charge. That's a lot of alcohol to sell to make a decent amount every day. No wonder they're always at your elbow asking if you want to order beer, cocktails, etc.

Having said all that, competition for these service jobs is intense - the pay is simply much more than what they would earn doing the same job in their home countries. In short, they put up with the 12-hour days, cramped living quarters, and being away from family and loved ones for the economic benefits. Depending on how you look at it, the situation isn't as bleak as the title implied.

There are also numerous fixed salary positions onboard, e.g. engineers, cooks, entertainment staff, if you're curious enough about their salaries check out Cruise Ship Jobs

The 'Love Boat'. Not.

As soon as I started telling friends that I was going on a cruise, they became ecstatic and everyone kept saying "You're gonna have so much fun and will definitely meet someone on the Love Boat!". Umm. NOT exactly. (If you're too young to know what the Love Boat is, here's the Wikipedia entry on Captain Stubing and his crew). Sure, I admit, it'd be great to meet someone onboard. However, what faint cause for optimism I had was quickly dashed on the embarkation lines that Friday afternoon. Scanning the crowds to get a better handle on the demographics of my fellow passengers - retired couple here, another retired couple, a group of retired women (school teachers?) shuffling along casually there...let's see...multi-generational Asian family with bored-looking teens who, I assume from the pouts on their faces, just got dragged into this...sweet couple looking full of hope and enthusiasm (honeymooners, what else?). You get the picture. As they say in industry parlance, most cruise passengers are "newly wed or nearly dead".

Not to say that I didn't make any friends onboard. For one, there's Christy, who was on her honeymoon with her new hubby (they met on Yahoo Personals...wow), and yet I would bump into her almost everday drinking alone at the Cova Cafe. She's fun to talk to, and we compared notes on our horrible online dating experiences. Also, I became pals with Glenn & Marlon (pictured), waiter and bartender, respectively at Cova, both of whom seemed hell-bent on setting me up with every youngish woman who sauntered into the bar.

One night, while at my usual spot at the bar watching the Vivaldi string quartet perform, Glenn whispered to me, "See that woman sitting over there. She's also here every night. Why don't you go and talk to her? Add some sizzle to your cruise." (accompanied by wicked smile). I turned around to look, my curiosity piqued. I told him, "I haven't seen her before. She's here all the time?". "C'mon", Glenn egged me, "go over and approach her". Since I was chatting with Christy at the time, I declined. At one point, Marlon interrupted our conversation, and said "Look over there". I looked, to see both Glenn and the mystery woman waving at me. As soon as Christy left, however, Glenn was in my face, "Go! She's waiting for you!".

Left with no choice, I walked across the room and plopped down on the couch next to Emma. After the introductions, she said "Thanks for the bottle of water you sent". Momentarily puzzled, I replied, "Huh?!". Recovering my composure, I played along and surmised that Glenn had sent her the Evian, saying that it was from me! (A fact that he later confirmed). In addition, Glenn had told Emma that I had observed her sitting there for the past few nights, and thought she would be thirsty, having never ordered anything from the bar in all that time! (No doubt causing dismay among the wait staff). Emma and I soon discovered that we both worked for the same company (in different locations), and for the rest of the cruise we'd meet up at Cova, listen to the string quartet, and talk till the bar closed at 1am. All due to the handiwork of those two crazy guys. Better yet, they didn't charge me for the Evian :-D

P.S. Don't be fooled - the first pic is from my friend Leslie's Caribbean cruise. A belly-flop contest was in progress which according to her was hilarious. None of that stuff on our more sedate Alaskan cruise. Darn.

Newbie Cruiser

"Why don't you go on a cruise? Have you ever been on one?". People ask me this all the time. Given my reputation for being "always on vacation", most of my friends were surprised that I haven't set sail on a cruise ship yet.

Well, finally I'm going on one! In contrast to my normal style of doing tons of research on vacation destinations, a week-long cruising vacation to Alaska was dumped right on my lap. My Mom and my brother's family were visiting Canada on an extended vacation which included a cruise onboard the Celebrity Mercury (pictured), thus I decided to join them for the ride to Alaska from Vancouver. Along with some days onboard the Mercury cruising the Inside Passage and admiring glaciers, stops would be made at the ports of Juneau, Skagway and Ketchikan.

More than any other state in the US, I had always wanted to visit Alaska to admire the scenery, and despite my apprehensions about cruising (more on this later), at least it would be a new experience, and it involved zero planning on my part since they had already selected the departure dates, cruise line and vessel. Besides, over 900,000 people (the number of cruisers to Alaska in 2006) couldn't be wrong, right? So, I'm taking the plunge!