I hate to admit it, but Czech food didn't really do it for me. Despite being resolute in sampling only typical Czech dishes and hoping that with every meal it would get better, by the end of my weeklong stay I threw in the towel and said, "
Basta! No mas". Goodbye to those super filling tasteless bread dumplings, and hello, American fast food.
The 3 hour bus ride back from Cesky Krumlov to Prague meandered its way through several towns along the way, the most famous of them Cesky Budejovice - commonly known as Budweiser. Yes, that's where the eponymous beer is brewed to this day. Not the weak offering from Anheiser Busch, but rather the original Czech pilsner. Confused?
Read about the trademark dispute between the two companies.
After being deposited at Roztyly metro station, and a switch to the Chili Hostel in Nove Mesto, I was famished, and eagerly walked to Stare Mesto in search of the Golden Arches (McDonald's in plainspeak, not some wonderful tourist attraction :-D). Yeah, comfort food! I admit, not quite very original and something I generally avoid eating in foreign countries, but if Bohemian specialties weren't up to the task...and a week without Coca-Cola is simply pushing it.
Like the picture says, 399 meters to the left across the Charles Bridge. Strolling on the bridge is a sweet pleasure, marred somewhat by the overabundance of tourists. This time my feet carried me forward as if I was catching a train. I jostled and speed walked by other pedestrians in my single-minded pursuit of getting to Mickey D's before I collapsed from hunger. Upon entry, I was greeted by the strains of Elton (make that Sir Elton) John's
Tiny Dancer blaring from the speakers. Ah, American culture is indeed our best export. Wait, isn't Sir Elton British??
The Filet-o-Fish value meals sounded good, so I told the cute girl behind the counter that I wanted it. Of course I couldn't speak Czech, so I ordered in English. Good thing she spoke English as well. Since Micaela was cute, I tried to impress her with pathetic attempts to speak Czech. She asked me something, so I replied "
Ano (yes)". Then, I thought, "Well, she probably encounters thousands of male tourists every day who want to impress her because she's cute", so for good measure, before I went in search of napkins, condiments, and a table, I over-cheerfully thanked her, "
Dekuji!!!". Yeah,
this tourist knows two words in Czech! So much for that. Must be the hunger messing up my mind.
Anyway, as you can see, a McDonald's value meal is pretty much standard (note that Shrek marketing campaign tie-in), but here in Prague it comes with a bottle of water to take-away. Some sort of health initiative, maybe they think it'll discourage customers from gulping down 32oz servings of soda. Wait, I don't think they even serve 32oz servings of soda - the concept of "super sizing" is relative. After quaffing my refreshing Coke and some of the Vittel water, I wander around the restaurant searching for the WC (restroom) unsuccessfully. Apparently this branch does not have its own restrooms, a situation quite common in Prague. But lest customers panic, there is a really big sign with instructions to cross the street for the WCs. True enough, there they were twenty steps across the cobblestoned arcade, tucked away in a corner, but...should've seen this coming, the toilet facilities were pay-to-use!! Like everywhere else, an elderly woman stands on guard and collects the fee before allowing patrons to enter. I dutifully pay my five korunas ($0.25), do my business, and on the way out, the woman hands me a small voucher the size of a movie ticket stub. It proudly indicated (in English!) that the bearer was entitled to five korunas off his next meal at - you guessed it - McDonald's.
Saying that beer has a prominent role in Czech culture and history is an understatement, they have been brewing this stuff longer and drinking it in larger quantities than everyone else. (Though the skeptical among us would scoff and say that their top spot in the per-capita consumption list was partly the result of planeloads of British lads popping into the pubs on their weekends of debauchery). The people are rightly proud of the many "Czech beer firsts" which includes having the "first president to have written an absurdist play based on his experiences working in a Czech beer brewery in AD 1974". How can you not love these people?? ;-D Not to bore you with this stuff, but here are some entertaining reads on Czech beer history, Czech beer culture (where you will find out, among other things, "why is it that so many Czech men have such a stunningly round physique?"), and how they're exporting more of the good stuff everywhere. Great news! Just don't export your pork loin, cabbage and goulash dishes, please.
Despite a week-long fiesta of tasting one beer brand after another, I craved for more, so I joined the Pubs of the Old Town tour, on this night led by Tomas (to-MASH), a 23-yr old university student and beer connoisseur. It was a slow night with only two other school teachers from Florida as the other tour participants. (Now these people really NEED a drink after each day of being driven mad by students). So, the plan was for us to drop by three pubs for drinks and a typical Czech dinner at one of those three. First stop was Staronetsky Klub, a small, cool happy hour type of place serving Staropramen. (Unlike the US, in Prague most pubs serve only one brand of beer due to tie-ups with the breweries). Then we were on to U Pivrnce, a traditional restaurant (ughh, bread dumplings again) in Josefov which I liked for its vivid cartoon illustrations on the walls depicting Czech humor (unfortunately, the captions were in Czech too). By coincidence, this was also the restaurant where Marketa (remember Marketa?) brought us for lunch on my first day in Prague, so I already knew the food would be serviceable but not spectacular.
U Pivrnce serves a few other beers in addition to their main offering Pilsner Urquell, and opting for something different, I absolutely loved the sweet with caramel hints taste of Kozel dark beer. Tomas chose this moment to tell the group that Czechs consider dark beer as a "ladies' beer" due to its lower alcohol content, much to our amusement. Furthermore, he pointed out, Czechs say that men who drink beer develop round stomachs, but women who do so develop round breasts, thus flat-chested girls were encouraged to indulge in the stuff. Well, you learn something (true or made up) every day, is all I can say ;-) (That's a likeness of U Pivrnce's owner on the left). The last stop was a pub frequented by locals that was a bit of a dive (the name escapes me). Drank a glass of Bernhard here, one of the country's regional beers which tasted quite bitter. Eventually the fun-filled night came to an end an hour past the three hours the tour was supposed to last, an indication of how interesting the conversations were greased by the pivos, and after one last "Na zdravi! (Cheers)", it was time to part and in my case, ruminate on how country's food could be so bad and yet its beer so good.
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